Darkness Falls
by Artemis Sherwood
Summary: Loki ponders his vast immortal life and everything he has done to lead up to his actions in The Avengers. (Songfic, angst; takes place about pre-Avengers/mid-Avengers area.)


_Where once was light, now darkness falls. Where once was love, love is no more._

Although his face was wiped of emotion, Loki's heart writhed in pain. It seemed so long ago that he and Thor were carefree children, carelessly running through the halls of Asgard. It seemed so long ago the he felt loved by his parents and brother- No. They were no more related to him than he was to Tony Stark.

Over the span of his immortal life, the god of mischief and deceit had fallen from grace. His life in the light of Asgard was dimmed by Thor's overpowering shadow, by his annoying arrogance. No one ever cared for green-eyed Loki, the outcast god, the undesirable, the _Jotun_.

_Don't say goodbye, don't say I didn't try._

Everything Loki had ever done, subconsciously or not, was to gain approval from the Allfather. He had excelled in his studies and his magic, surpassing Thor with ease in the hopes that Odin would say, "Well done, my son." But Odin didn't want a child with astounding intelligence and fantastic magical abilities, he wanted a child with more brawn than brains. He wanted Thor instead.

_These tears we cry are falling rain for all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame._

"_So why did he lie?"_

"_He kept the truth form you so that you would never feel different."_

But I did feel different, Loki realized. He had always felt different, acted different, thought different. The Asgardians had always sensed that Loki was different and didn't bother to hide their disdain.

"_No. You took me for a purpose. What was it?... Tell me!"_

"_I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace through you. But those plans no longer matter."_

Loki felt as though he had been stabbed in the stomach at the mere memory of Odin's words. To be used as a political toy by the mad he once called "father" genuinely hurt him; it tore at his soul and hardened his heart. Everything he'd done to please Odin had been in vain.

Not even my true father loved me, Loki thought bitterly. Am I not wanted by anyone?

_And we will weep to be so alone. We are lost, we can never go home._

"_So I am no more than another stolen relic locked up here until you might make use of me?"_

Things could never be the way they were before the battle on Jotunheim. Loki could never again be the quiet, intelligent son of Odin. Now he was the son of a monster, the bastard son of his enemy.

_So in the end I'll be what I will be. No loyal friend was ever there for me._

Alone. Alone and lost and hated. That's all he was, all he could hope for because who could ever love a monster like him? He had tried, and very nearly succeeded, in killing off his own disgusting race, tried to murder the man he once called brother, killed countless innocent mortals; he couldn't go back now, he was already past the point of no return.

_Now we say goodbye, we say you didn't try. These tears you cry have come too late. Take back the lies, the hurt, the blame._

"_You give up the Tesseract, you give up this poisonous dream! You come home!"_

For a brief moment, Loki had considered Thor's offer. I could go home, back to mother and we could be a family again, the god pondered. I could be a prince again- Only I can't. The Other would find me, torture me, kill me, destroy everything in his path.

And so Loki decided: he would not give up his fight to subjugate the earth, he would not stop fighting for some shred of sanity, of love, of hope. He would become Midgard's king and prove to the Allfather just how worthy he was of being Thor's equal.

_You are lost, you can never go home. You are lost, you can never go home._

**In case you wondering, the song is called "Gollum's Song" from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I just **_**knew **_**it was perfect for Loki, my poor baby. XD**

**All my love, Artemis Sherwood.**


End file.
